Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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