HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
