I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
