How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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