Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
