I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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