If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
