Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
