I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
