Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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