sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
