Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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