You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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