I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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