and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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