i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Say something about gay babies.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
