My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
