I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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