you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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