your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
