He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
