Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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