I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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