seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
