She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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