Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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