Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
