I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
