At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
