Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
