I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
