There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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