If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
