Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
