Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
