I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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