Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
