i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
