I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
