I think I am morally bankrupt
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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