i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
