My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
