I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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