so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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