If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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