Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
