I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
