i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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