trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
