So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
