Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
