wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
