I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
